she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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