its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
