I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
