Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
