I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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