i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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