One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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