I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
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He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
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I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize