this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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