And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
