For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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