he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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