I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
