Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
