Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize