im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
