I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
