pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
