So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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