Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
