i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
