party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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