We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
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He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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