Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
As shirtless as possible
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
