Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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