i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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