Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
