i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
