and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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