i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
