oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
