well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
