Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
