did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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