I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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