im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
