It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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