I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
