It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
