my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
