Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
