nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
