If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
