dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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