I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
