A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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