Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
