I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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