i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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