They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
