Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
