Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
