dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
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you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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