I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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