you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
this boner is exhausting
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
