Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
