how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
