She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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