just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
