we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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