My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
