I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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