Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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