I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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