Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
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