do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
