ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
