First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
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