I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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